I have an 8 month old daughter and live in England. I have just had my daughters 8 month check of the Health Visitor and they have advised me to try Controlled Crying to get her to sleep through the night/go down easier without being in my arms or cuddled.
I am following the guidelines and she is in her room right now crying. It says leave her 5 - 10 minutes and then go back but i hate hearing her cry? Am I being soft feeling like this?
You're not being soft...you are being a mother. Go get her. Controlled crying is cruel and goes against your motherly instincts to comfort your child. Your health visitor is wrong, not you. She should being giving you health advice, not parenting advice.
No, you're not being soft. It's very difficult to listen to your child cry. It goes against every instinct to not comfort them instantly.
I had to Google "controlled crying", because it didn't have a name when I was having babies. Most of the websites about it seem to have negative views, but my ex and I had good luck using a technique like this to get some sleep with our babies at a similar age - though I didn't worry about it this early in the evening. We just wanted to stop the middle of the night crying when we knew our first baby didn't want food, just hugs.
It was very hard for me first time, and not that easy second or third kid, though my first was the one who was getting up crazy often. But I did what I was told to do - limited reinforcement that was gradually weaned away - and it worked like a charm, so it's worth a couple days of feeling guilty to have more sleep and a child who sleeps better - I mean, it's good for them, too.
It's been 20 years, but what I remember is maybe rocking him down once, then just coming in the night after some period of time (not sure if it was a half hour like they recommend now) and standing and hugging him while he was standing in the crib. No words, no picking up. Just hugs for 5 or 10 minutes, then leaving. And going back more briefly if he cried more. Until by the 3rd time, it was just going in for a moment, giving him a hug, and going back to bed.
This was a baby who was up every 2 hours, and within a few days he was sleeping through the night. I think all kids are different, and I'm not promising this will work for you or your baby, but it did work nicely for me.
But those cries go straight to your heart, and it is difficult.
If you want to cuddle her i dont really see the problem.....and you dont necessarily have to leave her alone u can sit in the room as long as you dont talk to or make eye contact and it may help her calm down a little bit faster. With my daughter i sat and read a book while i was doing this and it took a few times but eventually she was going down by herself. Good Luck.
Controlled crying, huh?
Good luck with that.
"On your mark, get set, CRY!!!"
These aren't the only two alternatives, you know. Why not try stroking your daughter's head while she is in her cot, rather than cuddling her to sleep? Once she's happy with that after a few nights, maybe you can sit and talk to her very softly, not in contact with her at all. Then sit but don't talk to her. Then sit by the door instead of next to the cot. THEN you will be ready to try CIO, i.e. leaving her awake and going back at regular intervals to reassure her.
I don't think CIO is necesarily a bad thing (it worked with my son within half an hour on the first night). I do think it's too harsh for a baby who has never gone to sleep anywhere other than in your arms.
No, you are being a mom. You know that little feeling inside that says "this is wrong, I can't stand to hear her cry, it is breaking my heart"? That is your brain telling you to pick up your baby and love her properly. Crying yourself to sleep is terrible. Do you remember crying yourself to sleep when you were a teen and got your heart broke? Do you remember the horrible headache you woke up with? Why do you want your daughter to CRY for you? How is that "easier"? My daughter is 10 months old and I can rock her for 10 min and get her to sleep for the night. How would letting her cry for an hour be "easier" for her or me? Your child is only going to be young for a short time... why not enjoy that time and continue to cuddle and rock?
You are not being 'soft'.. no one likes hearing their baby cry. If I were you, I'd go and comfort your daughter. Getting her to sleep with out being 'parented' to sleep should be a gradual process. Self-soothing is something she'll acquire when she is ready. You really can't force a baby to sleep. She needs to also know that sleep is a happy state to be in. There ARE ways to do it WITHOUT the crying. What worked for me was the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.
Here are some links that will help:
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp
http://askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp...
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0...
You aren't being soft, you are being a mom. It is part of our instincts to not want to let our babies cry. I would not do it (let mine cry), but that is just me. Hope things work out for the best, take care.
NO mother likes to hear her baby cry. If you are not comfortable with this go get your baby and rock her to sleep, dont let doctors tell you how to raise your baby, thats your job
my daughter was about a year old when we moved her from our room to hers and this is how we did it. i would have to go in every 5-10 mins about 3 times a night before she would finally fall asleep but after the first 3-4 nights she was falling asleep on her own the first time.
I, personally, did cry it out with my son when he was 5 or 6 months old. I followed it consitently and it worked great. He cried for 30 minutes the first night (I checked on him every 5-10 min). He cried less the next night and less the night after that. It took around a week before there was no crying. Like I said though, the crying got less and less every night. It was very, very hard the first night. I stuck to my guns though and now my son is 2 and he is the best sleeper I have ever seen. He wants to go to bed when he is tired. He goes right into his bed and lays down and falls asleep. He has been this way since I did controlled cry it out. So, yes, the first few days are hard, but, it is worth it for you and your daughter in the long run. My son has had no emotional problems or anything like that and we are very close and loving, so, you don't have to worry about that. Having said all of that, I would like to add that CCIO does not work for every family. If you see no improvement in your daughters crying within a few days, I would stop and try again in a month or so. Also, my husband and I didn't want to have out son sleeping with us, so CCIO was best for us. If you and your family have no problem with your daughter in your bed, or having to hold her until she sleeps, then I don't think you need to do CCIO. Either way, good luck.
no, you should not let her cry and if your feeling bad there is a reason! she is only 8 months old and NEEDS mommy and if its for comfort why is that so bad? I really hate this because I just dont agree or understand it at all. Your health provider told you to try this.. bottom line is YOU are the parent and YOU raise your child. What they tell you is just an opinion and recommendation. I would not let your child cry.. ]
Edit: aside from any view on this matter.. I wanted to say that your daughter seems to sleep like any normal 8 month old. My twins woke up a ton as they got closer to a year it just started getting less but they always needed me to comfort them. They are now 3 and have a very solid routine and still get warm milk right before bed. A habit is a habit just try to make a routine you both are okay with. If you dont mind rocking her, then rock her.. maybe as she gets older, or start now, put her down a little more awake then the previous week, that way you can still cuddle and rock her but she will also learn its okay to be alone when awake.. honestly i would not worry to much at this point do what YOU feel most comfortable with and try to fix what bothers you in the best way you see fit
i agree with everybody that doesnt agree with letting her cry. Its not a hard job to cuddle with your baby and put her to sleep. I would never let my baby to fall asleep crying. I feel better when she falls asleep in my arms...this is such an amazing feeling to me, that i would hold her the whole night if i had to.
If thats not a problem to you, than rock her to sleep....dont listen what dr or others tell u...do what u think its right and what your heart tells u to do!
good luck ;)
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